Fitness In Australia Episode 5: Crabbing!

Attack of the killer blue swimmers

Hey Mate, why so white?

Bec Nelson

Willy, Bec and Lachlan ("fainting goats") Nelson, Andrew and Michelle Nelson,
JJ Cupples, Rob and the Indian Ocean sunrise.

This is months overdue, but here goes:

Giant-Australian-Outdoorsman-who-looks-like-a-cross-between-Paul-Hogan-and-Sean-Connery (His real name is Willy Nelson....no kidding) - "Hey mate, in for a little crabbing tomorrow morning?

Snorkel Boy - "Pardon?"

Willy- I say, you wanna come hunt some blue swimmer crabs with us tomorrow...great fun, very dangerous.

SB - I've been crabbing before, what's so dangerous about a crab pot?

Willy - Not a pot, mate, you use your hands. Just swim around and when you see one, grab it! Season just opened after a three-year ban. C'mon, it'll be fun.

SB - (After a change of undies) Um, how big are these blue-swimmers?

Willy- Aw the biggest are maybe a meter, tip-to-tip.

SB- What if they get ahold of your fingers?

Willy- Shouldn't let that happen, mate, they'll take it right off. But don't sweat it, as long as you grab 'em on the carapice, you'll be right.

SB- (Paralyzed with fear) Cara-which? What time do you head out?

Willy- Be on the beach by sun-up (0545).

SB- (mentally adding the 45 minute commute)(blood draining from face) - I'll be there.

So, as is becoming my habit, more out of fear of mercilous ridicule than being pinched to death by a giant crustacean, I dutifully set my alarm for 4am the next day.

Its important to pause here, and fill you in on a couple of other important details. Number one, all Australian men are tough. Even the clothing models. I think its just part of their DNA, or maybe because they start eating red meat at 18 months old. So when you meet a real "dyed-in-the-wool" outdoorsman, its best just to do what he says...arguing or showing any form of weakness can get you killed. Willy is one of those guys. I think he splits wood for fitness, and eats giant insects and kangaroo intestines. Certainly not the kind of guy whom you would walk up to and start humming "On the Road Again" just to see what he'd do.

Furthermore, when a genuine Australian "bloke" invites you to explore God's creation with him, its more of a statement of fact, than an invitation. That is, its not "Hey fella, would you like to come and have some fun fishing for crabs with us?", its more like, "We're going to go crabbing tomorrow morning at an unholy hour, and you'll be coming along, because real men, hunt, kill, and devour...then drink 6 gallons of beer."

So I went.

And, I have to say, it was absolutely superb.

We got to the beach, and Willy, his brother Andrew, a friend called JJ, and the biggest surprise of all: Andrew's wife Michelle, and Willy's two kids, Beck (11) and Lauglin (13), were all standing on the beach waiting for me. (For the record, I was vomiting in the woods, and needed a little time to compose myself).

Thank God for the women and children, for I now had someone to hide behind or cling onto.

Then, to my surprise, Willy threw me a pair of elbow length welding gloves...."in case you're too slow and one gets ahold of you!" (For the record, everyone wore gloves, so there!)

We swam out about 150 meters off the beach (still in waist deep water) and after convincing myself that surely a big shark would rather eat one of the girls or maybe JJ, I settled down and and began to take in my marine surroundings..the sun had just begun to angle down into the eel-grass above which we were swimming, and then the most amazing thing happened: The crabs just started to materialize out of nowhere! Everywhere you looked, they were swimming up for a morning tan, just above the grass! (According to Willy, they actually do come up and catch the sun for health reasons). It was fantastic!

Apparently, its at that point, while they're still a little groggy, that you want to grab them. But, as I quickly found out, they are far more aggressive than you would think. Once you try to grab one, and miss, they will frequently swim after you, snapping those 50psi claws at you the whole time.

When you do eventually manage to get ahold of one, they go down fighting! Snapping and dropping claws and wriggling around until you get them out of the water. Then they grab ahold of your welding glove until you finally shake them loose over the bag or box used to collect them.

After about 45 minutes we had caught close to our limit (10 apiece, or in my case, 3 to Willy's 17....even Beck, Willy's 11-year-old daughter caught more than me!)

Afterward, we enjoyed a traditional Australian "brekky"... fried eggs, toast and cheese, all grilled on the barby. Classic! Beck and Laughlin took thousands of pictures of me admiring my 3 crabs, then kindly donated another 3 so that the Mushen's could have a feed. And, let me tell you, it was the sweetest, most tender crabmeat I've ever eaten...delicious

One things for sure, I won't soon forget this marvelous introduction to Western Australian marine sports.

The question that lingers in my mind, is: In a fair fight, who would go down first, Willy, or a 6 foot blue crab.